tamcranver (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tamcranver) wrote2004-03-11 11:11 am
tamcranver) wrote2004-03-11 11:11 am
Entry tags:
Carpe Diem
For the ff_friday "anger" challenge: Kaylee's perspective of her fight with Simon in "The Message" and a little bit about how they made up.
Kaylee didn’t think of herself as a person who got angry very often. Sure, every now and then she got peeved with the captain, especially when he was making snippy remarks about Inara or treating Kaylee like a kid. But that wasn’t nothing; soon somebody told the captain what he was doing wrong, and he’d apologize, and everything would be okay. Everybody got riled up some time or other, and Kaylee was no exception, but it usually passed on pretty quickly and she went back to being cheerful like she normally was.
But when Simon said “You’re the only girl in the world,” like it was nothing, like he only talked to her because she was his only choice, like it didn’t much matter to him who she was, only that she wasn’t married or related, Kaylee saw red. She wasn’t desperate. She could spend time with anyone she wanted; she’d only chosen Simon because he was so handsome and smart and because she admired what he’d done for his sister. But if he was gonna talk about her like she was nothing special, only the bottom of the barrel, she’d find somebody else to talk to.
And she did. Tracy was handsome, too, if a little goofier looking than Simon. He’d been in the war, and seen a lot, and he’d actually died, even if it was only for a little while. She took all the energy she’d been using being mad at Simon and used it on Tracy, first mourning his death and then talking to him, laughing with him, sharing stories with him.
She was scared when he grabbed her, holding the gun to her head, but she was surprised to find she was a little mad, too. Gorrammit, what had she ever done to him? Nothing but be nice and try to make him feel at home, that’s what!
She was a little mad at herself, too. Simon had tried to apologize, but she’d ignored him, trying to make him feel as small as he’d made her feel. She’d thought she was pretty smart at the time, but she didn’t feel too smart now. For all Simon was all stiff and used to being rich and said the wrong thing every gorram time, he’d never hurt her. She knew he wouldn’t. He might say something dumb and hurt her feelings, but he wouldn’t hold a gun to her head. He was a good man, and she knew it. She didn’t know anything about Tracey at all, she realized.
After the funeral, Simon came to her in the engine room. She was supposed to be working on recalibrating the thrusters, but she couldn’t concentrate on much of anything, so she was just sitting, thinking about Tracey.
“Kaylee?” Simon asked, his voice all quiet and kind of scared. “I—I know you’re probably still angry with me--”
She didn’t have room for no more anger. She was just sad and hurt and lonely, just like Simon. “I ain’t angry with you, Simon,” she said. “You wanna sit a while with me?”
While he was sitting down, trying to find a spot on the floor that wouldn’t get his pants dirty, Kaylee couldn’t remember why she’d been angry with him before. Why’d she wasted her day like that when she could have been spending it laughing and talking and looking at the cow in the jar with him? Wasn’t time for getting tetchy over every little thing; you never knew when death would come for you. It was better to be happy than be angry, she decided, and she didn’t have the time for both.
Kaylee didn’t think of herself as a person who got angry very often. Sure, every now and then she got peeved with the captain, especially when he was making snippy remarks about Inara or treating Kaylee like a kid. But that wasn’t nothing; soon somebody told the captain what he was doing wrong, and he’d apologize, and everything would be okay. Everybody got riled up some time or other, and Kaylee was no exception, but it usually passed on pretty quickly and she went back to being cheerful like she normally was.
But when Simon said “You’re the only girl in the world,” like it was nothing, like he only talked to her because she was his only choice, like it didn’t much matter to him who she was, only that she wasn’t married or related, Kaylee saw red. She wasn’t desperate. She could spend time with anyone she wanted; she’d only chosen Simon because he was so handsome and smart and because she admired what he’d done for his sister. But if he was gonna talk about her like she was nothing special, only the bottom of the barrel, she’d find somebody else to talk to.
And she did. Tracy was handsome, too, if a little goofier looking than Simon. He’d been in the war, and seen a lot, and he’d actually died, even if it was only for a little while. She took all the energy she’d been using being mad at Simon and used it on Tracy, first mourning his death and then talking to him, laughing with him, sharing stories with him.
She was scared when he grabbed her, holding the gun to her head, but she was surprised to find she was a little mad, too. Gorrammit, what had she ever done to him? Nothing but be nice and try to make him feel at home, that’s what!
She was a little mad at herself, too. Simon had tried to apologize, but she’d ignored him, trying to make him feel as small as he’d made her feel. She’d thought she was pretty smart at the time, but she didn’t feel too smart now. For all Simon was all stiff and used to being rich and said the wrong thing every gorram time, he’d never hurt her. She knew he wouldn’t. He might say something dumb and hurt her feelings, but he wouldn’t hold a gun to her head. He was a good man, and she knew it. She didn’t know anything about Tracey at all, she realized.
After the funeral, Simon came to her in the engine room. She was supposed to be working on recalibrating the thrusters, but she couldn’t concentrate on much of anything, so she was just sitting, thinking about Tracey.
“Kaylee?” Simon asked, his voice all quiet and kind of scared. “I—I know you’re probably still angry with me--”
She didn’t have room for no more anger. She was just sad and hurt and lonely, just like Simon. “I ain’t angry with you, Simon,” she said. “You wanna sit a while with me?”
While he was sitting down, trying to find a spot on the floor that wouldn’t get his pants dirty, Kaylee couldn’t remember why she’d been angry with him before. Why’d she wasted her day like that when she could have been spending it laughing and talking and looking at the cow in the jar with him? Wasn’t time for getting tetchy over every little thing; you never knew when death would come for you. It was better to be happy than be angry, she decided, and she didn’t have the time for both.